I Don't Want to Watch You Die
by domina tempore
Summary: Why won't you save him?" she hissed through her teeth, her plea directed at the ancestors, the ancients that she had once revered... R/T, deathfic.


_Author's Note: I don't remember exactly where this fic came from; but I *do* remember that I wrote it in July, which was a totally crazy, emotional month for me; so that may have had something to do with it. I'm better now; but this was me at my emotional worst :P._

*****

Teyla watched the erratic, jagged pulses of theheart monitor, listening to the slow, fluttering beat that bespoke the verge of death. Her fingers absently grasped the cold, limp hand handing over the side of the infirmary bed, and she looked into the equally cold, pale face lying on the pillow. It wasn't fair! He was too strong, too _good _a man to die. And yet here she was in the inrifmary watching him slip away from her, and powerless to save him.

"Why won't you save him?" she hissed through her teeth, her plea directed at the ancestors, the ancients that she had once revered. But they were actually quite useless, as she was learning painfully. They sat in their places in the sky and looked on as good people _fought and died_ for the sake of others who were dying anyways; and they did _nothing_. They refused to help, to remedy the scourge that _they had created!_

And now they were killing the only man that she had ever found it in her heart to care about _that way_. He'd taken the bullet meant for her; and now he was going to die for it.

She couldn't deal with losing him; seeing him like this was agony for her, as if knives were driving into her and being twisted to cause the most pain possible. Her entire body trembled with fear and guilt and rage and the urge to DO something, to help him! She had seen him close to death before, and he had always made it through. But this time there was nothing more that could be done. Unless a miracle came, they were not going to have another chance. He would be gone.

"Tey...la..." she tried to blink away her tears, to be strong for him now that he was awake, and met his barely-opened green eyes.

"I'm glad you're awake," she said, attempting to put false hope into her voice. "How do you feel?" A faint smile curved his lips upwards, and she felt the faintest pressure from the hand that she grasped.

"You don't have to lie to me, Teyla," he said regretfully. "I know I'm gonna die."

"Ronon, no-"

"It's aright, Teyla, really. You're going to be okay."

"No I'm _not!_" she said fiercly. "But I don't care about _me_. You can't give up, Ronon!"

"I'm not giving up; I'm accepting. Why can't you?"

"The Ronon Dex that I know does not "accept" death!"

"If I don't accept it, I'll be crying more than you. I'm scared to die, Teyla. I can't stop it, it's not something that I can shoot or destroy; it's an enemy that I can feel, but I can't see. And that scares me more than almost anything."

"Almost?" Teyla choked timdly. He nodded.

"Sure. I'm scared to lose you; even more than a slow, silent death. I love you; if anything ever happened to you..." His words caused more tears, and he seemed to instantly regret them.

"Teyla, I'm sorry, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make you cry..." before he could say anything more, he felt her lips press against his in a kiss of passionate desperation.

"I love you!" she whispered. "There is _nothing_ that you have to be sorry for." She leaned forward and wrapped her ars around him, carefully but strongly, and buried her face in his chest. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around her as well, and for the first time in over eight years, Ronon Dex creid. He cried into her hair, telling her one more time how much he loved her. Eventually, his ragged sobs became slower and slower, and the strength in his arms began to fade; until with her name, he breathed his last. Teyla felt the life leave him, but she couldn't move; all she could do was cry. Ronon was _gone_.

Fin.

*****

_A/N: Thank you so much to _**fyd818 **_for looking this over for me before I posted it! (and making that unhappy month WAYYYYY better! :D)_


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